khatru | Entries tagged with fatigue

I've been doing a lot of stuff that doesn't look like much.

Conversed with R about $THINGS. The primary thing coming from that is that we're moving up the timeline on househunting. Since I want to have overlap between getting a new house and selling this one so that I'm not frantically trying to pack, and the main reason I was setting it off 1-2 years was so that C would have a geopolitically appropriate address for his school, we can disconnect looking/moving and C's address need, and just leave him in the house on his own for a bit. So now I'm actually looking at the not-quite-spam mail that I'm getting from the three websites, and have brought R in to the ONE that lets you connect someone in (WHY IS THIS NOT A GENERAL THING???) and we're leaving comments for each other on houses.
Three of us went to a set of 3 open houses this past Sunday. First one was a house I wouldn't offer on, because it doesn't have the minimum accessibility I would need, but it was very local and a good learning experience. I also proceeded to inform the people manning the open house exactly why I wouldn't offer for it (there was much more than just the lack of accessibility, such as the complete lack of insulation in the attic, with sunlight visible in multiple places under the eaves). Second one, the people who were opening the house failed to show, it being after 2pm on a 1-4pm open house. We left. Third house was up in Bloomfield, move in ready, with some oddments that all older houses have (like, why was there a deadbolt on the door between the kitchen and the basement?) and all the accessibility I'd need. However, parking is minimal, and there are things (like one of the sets of steps from the house to the back yard is in the way of getting anything large *to* the hatch to the basement) that means that it's probably not actually the right house for us.
I had a week+ of doctor visits, that ended up with a small twinge in my back that I've had since about 2 weeks after Otter died flaring wildly. Paindoc thinks I might have gotten another compressed nerve, wants to MRI, and agreed to wait till I got insurance. That pain hasn't quite settled down, and is affecting my ability to do much. I've also felt lower energy since Sunday and the three open houses where I was walking around on uneven ground (looking around the houses) and doing stairs.
I came downstairs this past Monday to do bills and stuff, and was so out of it that I didn't even realize it was after 7 before I actually got moving on paper/mail intake until I was suddenly handed dinner. I meant to come down yesterday, and failed, ending up taking migraine meds, and extra pain meds. Today I woke up at midnight (top fo the day) and fell asleep again at 7, barely managing to eat food and take morning pills; ended up taking an extra pain med some time later; woke up just before 4pm pills, and dragged myself down here to at least do bills if not the phone calls, only to find that the fucking ATT bill is not here yet. *sigh*
Exiting Housemate has slowed down her exiting, due to her own health issues. Completely reasonable, but I'm getting antsy to have stuff gone. It's at the point where it's mostly just stuff to be put in trash and recycling, and I'm beating my head against C to do that, because R is doing EVERYTHING ELSE and we're really done.
To the point where R caught a cold (or something, it apparently came on faster than usual) and was sleeping a *lot*. A bunch of takeout later, a bunch of barely-touch-into-the-oven later, a few Inform-C-he-was-cooking-and-could-just-be-pissy-if-he-wanted-but-that's-it meals, and R took some money and slept in a nearby hotel for a few nights so that the allergen load would be less/different. Also, finally went to doc even tho temp never got over 101, and was given antibiotics anyway cause former smoker.
The kids, finally, after literally 2 weeks of nagging, moved the Forester out from underneath the dangling slate.
Finding a roofer to take on our roof has, again, been special, with 1 ghost on an estimate, 1 'you'll hear from us in a couple of days' that turned into two phone calls and a voice message later saying, "yeah, we do slate but not jobs that big" (WTF?), 1 semi-reasonable estimate, and 1 that said 'you need a whole new roof'. We have the lower estimate for the small roof that was damaged by the tree set to happen next week, and then we work from there, I guess.
May is the first month that I'm paying bills out of the account made with the life insurance money. Of course, the car insurance 6month is due this month, and the house insurance is due June 1, so there's going to be a huge dip to start with. Hopefully financial guy won't get nervous. :D
The car insurance customer service guy actually called late last week - later than he had said, but he *did* call back. Apparently C's good student discount is valid for, at least, this cycle of insurance payment. Yay! $2900 for 6 months is annoying as fuck.
I think that's all.

Contemplate agitating at ATT to change billing date.
Try to take Skitty to the vet for checkup when C is home.
Do more of the stuff that needs to be kept up with.
Find out when annual taxes are due
Arrange to actually get the roof fixed. IN PROCESS
call tax assessor office 9a-3p Barbara 9087692906 AFTER 12:30 WEDNESDAY as of 20180208
Decide day of month I need to pay bills. (2 days before end of month is not enough time)
Clear out envelope of Bills Since Death and sort into records, bills, whatever.
Figure out what to do about cpap machines (company emailed back, saying donate or whatever) (in process)

Talk to R about:

Container specifically for estate stuff. - Catbag?
Container for my paper notes on phone calls.
Container for medical records current year, bills and other
Container for keeping records, current year (currently back half of step sorter that R got from Staples, and repurposed wire mesh phone stand)
Container for medical records specifically for past years.
Containers for keeping records for past years, to hold paid bills and record keeping.
Container for tax info papers bundled by year for past years.
Container for my frustration and sanity. (Research ongoing. Last marble was found in dice bag, perhaps something similar?)

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/28195.html

Wednesda - wednesday? - I had that lovely phone call with the life insurance company. The subsequent phone call with the mortgage company went even less well, as apparently they don't have any means within their system to account for the concept of 'partial payment'. All they do is hold the money until/unless they have enough to count as a payment. If this happens before their system instigates foreclosure, all well and good. Otherwise, they send the money back and it's in foreclosure. I had a small bout of hysterics, and have been hiding in bed (somewhat literally) ever since.

This morning I was actually awake at 7am ish. Took my pills, sat up poking at phone games till C came up to tell me it was 11am or so. I actually lay back down cause I was feeling tired-ish, and after a half hour gave up and came downstairs so I wouldn't be alone. I've done some useful things:

Detailed list so I feel better about it

ate late lunch
record bank activity into my ledger book so I can correlate more information
wrote out checks for att, oil, allergy shot copay,
asked R to take care of bullshit forms for the day
Signed forms for life insurance, Otter's ashes to be returned (sooner than anticipated)
recorded new bill/payment info into ledger
Consulted with R regarding dinner, pulling a recipe from my childhood that was tagged interesting
Fell asleep while R made dinner
Eventually woke up and ate delicious dinner, discussed/evaluated with R, deemed a success by both. Even C went back for seconds.
Gave up being downstairs and came upstairs.

Failed on:
currently trying to get the impetus for
filling out forms for 401k
filling out forms for TIAA pension

Now to see if I can manage to play wow today. If not, Diablo.

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/24635.html

Actually did something.

The last few days I've been .... Ok, more like the last week, I've been doing nothing. My sleep cycle has cycled around to me being awake from anywhere from 6-10pm, to 6-8am. C has been poking me both at 11:30 am ish and at 1:30 pm -ish, and even when I sit up and try to get up, I'm falling back asleep. Last night I didn't wake up at all till about 10:30 pm. Tonight I managed to get up around 6pm, and come downstairs cause bills, goddammit. I had asked C to tell me what bills there were, and he did. Yay. There were also some letters from Social Security back on the 25th (yay for inculcating "write teh date received on the envelope, dammit"), one of which was acknowledgement that I was getting the widow's benefit of $255 (which hit my bank account on the 19th, iirc, after the meeting on the 16th), and the other acknowledging upcoming hearing (tho no date set yet.) That was cc'ed to lawyer, too. So yay.

I *have* been getting online and doing wow things overnight, tho, which at least forwards my nominal mindless pleasure.

Realized my checkbook and the bank readout were hundreds of dollars off, and so did the arithmetic to resolve my checkbook, finding an egregious error that should never have happened at all. So yeah, $200 off where my checkbook says low, ok. where my checkbook says high, bad.
Looked on the life insurance letter for the general customer service number.
Paid bills. Still working on tracking what's needed, so can't tell what budget should be yet.
Organized what should be done next.

Now, to play wow.

Call Abby re chocolate party
Call PSEG wrt lack of return envelope, was this asked for, can it be changed?
Dig out previous water bill and find out what the difference is for, and call for explanation.
Call Verizon and ask for discounts again. 2 yr contract?
Call Oil Company - overage mentioned on receipt received 20180119
Call SocSec lawyer and see if she wants to meet (partner of no longer eligible lawyer)
call tax assessor office 9a-3p Barbara 9087692906
Call life insurance folks again. And again.
Call xolair pharmacy about bill, thought it was going on credit card.

Call mike the lawyer about the north bergen house deed.
Find out if I called Meryll Lynch about angus gone, account come to me?
Decide day of month I need to pay bills. (2 days before end of month is not enough time)
Contact EZPass and find out how it was being paid and figure out if I need to do anything with it.

To Do Soon

Cannot do until make payment! Waiting on Life Insurance. Call Mortgage, ask for late fee to be removed.
Fill out forms for 401k
read in detail, evaluate, car/home insurance offer from AAA
Get onto Otter's computer and look for the file he left me.
Deposit checks received (2017-12-22: 1 to date.)
Clear out envelope of Bills Since Death and sort into records, bills, whatever.
Figure out what to do about cpap machines (company emailed back, saying donate or whatever) (in process)
Find out wtf to do about the argument with the insurance and the roof
DO NOT LOSE PRINTED FILLED OUT FORMS BEFORE DEATH CERT SHOWS UP!!!!!

Talk to R about:

Container specifically for estate stuff. - Catbag?
Container for my paper notes on phone calls.
Container for medical records current year, bills and other
Container for keeping records, current year (current back half of step sorter that R got from Staples)
Container for medical records specifically for past years.
Containers for keeping records for past years, to hold paid bills and record keeping.
Container for tax info papers bundled by year for past years.
Container for my frustration and sanity. (Research ongoing. Last marble was found in dice bag, perhaps something similar?)

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/24438.html

I need to ask C to keep poking me when he gets up, so I at least have the possibility of choosing to get up and do things, rather than not waking up more than possibly groggily to take my pills, and then sleeping again till 2pm. Once it's that late, it feels futile to try and do anything. Which is wrong, but need to recall that there are things I need to do that don't involve calling businesses.

Getting stuff done on wow, tho.

I don't have the mental energy to actually try to figure out how much carbs is in every meal we eat. I want to eat fewer, but it requires too much thought.

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/24305.html

I did nothing Saturday; woke up late, headache-adjacent. Had C put bengay on the aching parts, and a hotsock. (Similar to http://bedbuddy.net/ but not that brand.) After a few hours (after the bengay was soaked in and not a problem for adhesive) I had him put on a lidocaine patch. Neither of those helped significantly, but it's possible they kept it from being worse.

Woke up earlyish on Sunday, but instead of trying transdermal effects, took one of my hoarded Good Pain Meds. Got to the computer after a bit, poked around on WoW most of the day; ended up falling asleep ZONK in my chair at 6:45, while waiting for the folks who I play with to appear online at 7pm. *sigh* R woke me up for dinner at 7:40, I got on WoW, we played till 10:30 or so. Maybe later. I did wow things for a few hours more, and suddenly woke up, in my chair, covered iwth random pieces of clothing (apparently I was cold, but never woke up) at 7:45 am. Took meds, crawled into bed.

Woke up at 11:30 ish by C, checking if I wanted/needed anything. Asked for food, ate it, eventually decided that I didn't really want to do anything but I also didn't want to sit in my room alone. (which is what I did yesterday, never getting checked on till 4pm or so) Am downstairs.

Received email from life insurance! yay! No information on how much the payout is. An offer of having the money in an interest bearing account wiht the insurance company. No information on how much the interest is. I called the number for my consultant at 2pm, left a message. No response. The packet included a pamphlet about What Beneficiaries Need To Do After The Death Of A Loved One. The first chapter is "in the first two weeks". The second chapter is "weeks 3 and 4". the third chapter is "In hte next month." I'll note that Otter died on Dec 8, and the postmark on the envelope is January 10th. Fuck them.

Having agitated AGAIN for the kids to PLEASE look for the title of the car that was gotten in late November, more likely early December and thus on the day before Otter went into the hospital, I finally got some motion out of them. They found the envelope from the bank that held the car loan, with the old title (with the lien holder on it) and the various papers from the visit to DMV that acquired the new title and the handicapped placards for Otter. Unfortunately, the new title wasn't in it. Also, none of the receipts listed the date of the transaction. (wtf dmv?) So we STILL don't know, for sure, when it was done. *argh*

Aggravation, annoyance, and a chilly house. Wheee.

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/22495.html

Yesterday, I

Ended up... at this point I can't recall if I was awake all night, or just woke up hella early. I think the former, because I was up and in WoW when C came up to make sure I was up.
Discussed with C the thought of leaving about an hour early for my doctorville visits and going to the bank Otter had accounts in to close them out, that's also the bank that has our mortgage.
Also took my morning pills despite not having food.
Went to the bank and was seen relatively immediately. However, it took on the order of 45 minutes for the Customer Service banker to research what needed to be done to a) turn a joint account into a solo account, and b) turn a solo account into an estate account. This involved filling out 2 L8 forms, one for each account. (Then why is there room for more things in the space to list items? o.O) We left with the first done, and the second waiting for me to get the estate tax number, leaving only 15 minutes to get to doctorville (which takes about 20).
Got to Doctorville not that late, which also didn't matter much as the first visit was to give blood to be analyzed for my endocrinologist visit on the 22nd, and wasn't time critical. The intake person was sympathetic to my dubious insurance status, and offered to simply bill it as if I was still under the same insurance..
(Right now, I realize that I *was* up all night, because I had been required to fast for the blood work, and so wanted to be awake to make sure I had food right up until I couldn't, so I wouldn't be cranky/whiny at the point where I was needing food.)
Was poked for blood which only hurt a little bit, and only needed one poke. yay! C had, indeed, recalled to have food available, and I got down the elevator to the next floor before I was overcome with FOOD NOW and sat in the hallway to wolf down the cheese and crackers.
Went to allergy office and registered there, completely surprised by them not asking for insurance info (which is usually asked for at every intake) or copay.
Talked to office assistant and accepted condolences; doctor, who gave the shot, and assured me that, while Doctorville did not take *new* patients with medicaid, they did accept it as 'changed circumstance' for established patients, and that he personally would be happy to see me to administer the shots without charge, as long as the shots were paid for by medicaid, which he expected would be.
Talked to office staff to make next appointment, where I was told they already had the next shot in hand, and would be happy to get "samples" from the company to use on me until insurance was settled.
Had lunch at the Doctorville Cafeteria while I waited the requisite time to ensure I wasn't having a negative reaction to the shot. (Yes, every time. It's weird that way.)
Acquired the estate tax number while at lunch, taking advantage of Doctorville's wifi and having the internet in my pocket.
Texted with R while at lunch regarding the fact that we'd run out of oil, again, what the oil company said about when they could get to us, and what we could do in the meantime.
Hit Doctorville's art for Ingress making it the appropriate color again. By this time, I was starting to feel achy, my tummy being more and more gassy, and generally unhappy.
Went back to bank to set up estate account. The person I'd worked with before was busy with a long task, so I was seen to by someone else, who had to research how to do what I was asking to be done, because apparently the change to the joint account wasn't being reflected in the system yet, she didn't realize my name was not the same as my husband's, she couldn't figure out how to convert the solo checking account to an estate account, and took a while to decided it would just be closed and an estate account opened, and then had problems doing that because, as I overheard her on the phone to her guide, the correct buttons weren't showing up when she was trying to create an account. This took over an hour, all told.
Decided not to go to the optician to get the one pair of glasses that have come in, despite the fact that it's the pair where they put the old lenses into a plastic frame to hold me over, and they've been making me crazy, and instead
Came home and went directly to bed, taking one of my higher end pain killers instead of my usual one, it now being pill time, and generally being in large amounts of pain and aggravation. Yes, the shots often make me feel out of sorts, and eventually (like, hours later) uncopeful, but I don't recall deep ache over most of my right side being a symptom before. Also, tummy was massively more unhappy, and I don't think I ate anything.

I ate a little bit of dinner when it happened (chinese delivery, roast pork w/snow peas, carrots, and ?bok choy? without any gravy) and went back to bed. Around midnight I had some toast to take my pills with, and a little later a microwaved potato with a pile of shred cheese, and then went to bed again. I woke up around 8am, to the alarm I've finally programmed on my phone, feeling still a little achy but much improved. I ate some food, had my pills, read a little bit of the latest(?) Liaden book, and am now downstairs as of around 11am to deal with the day.

Also, on the 10th, I called up att customer service and did a one-time payment by phone to make sure it was paid before the due date of the 11th for service cutoff. Interestingly enough, the letter I was sent said "pay by the 11th" and the phone service said "pay by the 10th".

So far today, I

Cleaned out the main teapot, and made tea
Opened all of the mail from the past two days, sorting into trash, shred, records, and bills.
Ignored a phone call, and then listened to the message, it being the paindoc's office saying the forms for DMV about the handicapped parking placards were ready to be picked up.
Ate the lovely lunch that R made for me.
Called the old trash company, and was put on hold.
While on hold, Addressed envelopes to send out the L8 forms from the bank yesterday, stuffed them, sealed and stamped, now waiting for being mailed.
While on hold, Sent email to Otter's company's HR person, regarding absence of communication from life insurance company or COBRA management company, asking if she can find out if they've sent me anything, or give me a contact more direct than hitting up the web.
After 35 minutes on hold, Talked to Adrian who gave me the final payment number, and told me that since there is a suspension of service due to being unable to pay, he could not actually cancel my account, and I will have to call back AGAIN to cancel the account after the payment is received and posted. *headdesk*
Called up oil company to see what arrangements could be made about paying other than having it automagically put on the credit card (which explains a lot about why the credit card is so loaded). Talked to Ruby, the credit manager. Put a reminder on my calendar to call in May about getting on the monthly budget plan, and to talk about getting on the price lock plan.
Sent email again to Otter's HR person: We had wanted to find out when we had maxed out our out-of-pocket expenses, and had needlessly continued paying copays, so that we could go have an argument with our healthcare providers regarding that money, and hopefully get it repurposed to cover any uncovered costs. Otter seemed to think he had to go through HR, and I asked if that was true, or if I got to wade through United Healthcare's phone tree to find the info.
Tried to look up on the web if the ingredients of Macuhealth interfered with Synthroid. Was only able to find those ingredients in combination with multivitamins, which is usually in combination with minerals, which do interfere with Synthroid, so was unable to conclude anything useful. Meh. (trying to figure out how to apportion out pills across the timeslots.)

Short day, but I'm done, as I'm dozing off again. Wheee. Stupid sleep cycles. I wanted to do stuff this evening.

Find notes re: calling credit union branch manager directly about making an appointment to close/change accounts
Call Credit Union, make appointment for showing them stuff. FIND L8 FORM!!!!! fuck. (note: Can be downloaded from http://www.sussex.nj.us/documents/surrogate/itl8.pdf )
Find notes re: talking to various companies/entities about adjusting late fees etc wrt extensions.
Call PSEG, ask for late fee to be removed? Check what needs to happen to be considered up to date?
dammit, there was something else and it just fled my mind. Had to do with other things on those notes.

To Do SOON!

Cannot do until make payment! Waiting on Life Insurance. Call Mortgage, ask for late fee to be removed.
Find the mazda car title. (R found the other two)
Fill out forms for 401k
Call number at town hall about making appt to talk to folks about putting house/bills in my name only. (look for business card. Catbag? DeathCertEnvelope?

To Do Later

Read in detail, and evaluate, life insurance mail from credit union BY JAN 25
read in detail, evaluate, car/home insurance offer from AAA
JANUARY 16th: Go to SocSec office and deal with death stuff.
JANUARY 23rd: Call old trash service AGAIN adn make sure account is CANCELLED.
Get onto Otter's computer and look for the file he left me.
Deposit checks received (2017-12-22: 1 to date.)
Figure out what to do about cpap machines (company emailed back, saying donate or whatever) (in process)
Find out wtf to do about the argument with the insurance and the roof
DO NOT LOSE PRINTED FILLED OUT FORMS BEFORE DEATH CERT SHOWS UP!!!!!

~~Container for current month bills before they are paid.~~ R picked up a mail sorter thingie.
Container for medical records current year, bills and other
Container for paid bills, current year.
Container for record keeping, current year
Container for medical records specifically for past years.
Containers for record-keeping for past years, to hold paid bills and record keeping.
Container for tax info papers for current year
Container for tax info papers bundled by year for past years.
Container for my frustration and sanity.

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/21764.html

Jan 8 didn't happen. Every time I thought I was awake, I fell back asleep.

It's noon ish now. I've been awake since aout 5am, but I'm only now getting to the point of doing things.

Bleah.

Called paindoc and talked to some staff member, who said of course he'd be willing to fill out the dmv handicapped parking form. I didn't ask if she was sure, I hadn't even given my name, but I'm not going to argue.
Called Doctorville about getting anti-hive shot, appointment for Jan 11
Called Doctorville about lack of synthroid. Made appointment for bloodwork, and followup exam.
Realized that I was flailing, decided I was hungry, C offered to make me food. Ate it.
Printed out handicapped parking application (had R set up the printer, realized that attaching it to the dining room desktop involved crawling under the table, swapped to my laptop and printed it from there)
Filled it out which involved realizing that it wants the signature of the registered vehicles' owner, and determining that by the time I hand them that piece of paper, I will be the registered vehicles' owner....
Sent R off to drop it off at the doctor's office, which is what the staff person on the phone said to do.
Processed all currently unopened mail - some with intake undated, some from 12/23. Sorted into bills to pay, things to process wrt death, things to look at soon, things to laugh at, trash, shred.
Pulled out my ledgers from when I was paying bills regularly, created new pages and filled in current data.
Wrote out checks and put in envelopes for everything but the mortgage (last day the 15th), the Home Equity Loan (I have weird mail that I need to talk to them about) and the cellphone bill, which they sent me mail that I got today saying they'll shut it off if not paid by the 11th, so I need to talk to them tomorrow about paying that in person somewhere.

---

Call old trash company and cancel the account
Call Mortgage, ask for late fee to be removed.
Call PSEG, ask for late fee to be removed? Check what needs to happen to be considered up to date?
Call ATT, tell them check in mail today, or where can I walk in and pay? No online, thank you.
Call Credit Union, make appointment for showing them stuff. FIND L8 FORM!!!!! fuck. (note: Can be downloaded from http://www.sussex.nj.us/documents/surrogate/itl8.pdf )

To Do SOON!

Find the mazda car title. (R found the other two)
call oil company about account and payments etc.
Fill out forms for 401k
Call number at town hall about making appt to talk to folks about putting house/bills in my name only. (look for business card. Catbag? DeathCertEnvelope?

To Do Later

Read in detail, and evaluate, life insurance mail from credit union BY JAN 25
reqad in deatual, evaluate, car/home insurance offer from AAA
JANUARY 16th: Go to SocSec office and deal with death stuff.
Get onto Otter's computer and look for the file he left me.
Deposit checks received (2017-12-22: 1 to date.)
Figure out what to do about cpap machines (company emailed back, saying donate or whatever) (in process)
Find out wtf to do about the argument with the insurance and the roof
DO NOT LOSE PRINTED FILLED OUT FORMS BEFORE DEATH CERT SHOWS UP!!!!!

~~Container for current month bills before they are paid.~~ R picked up a mail sorter thingie.
Container for medical records current year, bills and other
Container for paid bills, current year.
Container for record keeping, current year
Container for medical records specifically for past years.
Containers for record-keeping for past years, to hold paid bills and record keeping.
Container for tax info papers for current year
Container for tax info papers bundled by year for past years.
Container for my frustration and sanity.

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/21538.html

Since Chessiecon, I've had no mental energy. I spent 2 days with a migraine that suddenly left (and hasn't even been lurking)... 3 days, it started Sunday at Chessiecon ... And when Otter decided he wanted to go out Ingressing while it was still double AP to push for L11, I was all rah rah let's go. But otherwise... I'm randomly falling asleep. I sit on the edge of the bed and see no reason to bother shifting stuff around to get onto the computer. (I've acquired some collection of crap that ends up living either on the computer chair or the bed, depending on which I'm inhabiting. It involves moving in a slightly bent over position, yes, that one, exactly, that stresses the back out unduly, and is why I haven't been able to do dishes by hand for ages.) And when I do, finally, do so, I read atlas obscura, or cruise imgur, or go back a few years in someone's blog and read forward (ursula vernon's stuff on her own website, currently). Launching wow is too irritating.

I'd be happy to play a game iwht someone. R doesn't really find it interesting, and is sick with con-crud anyway. Otter is having sitting/laying down/existing problems with his back, and the last two days his right had has suddenly started aching progressively, and he's on skype with his gaming buddies, anyway. C is on the computer with his skype/roll20/whatever friends.

This is why I used to go out Friday nights. To go be with people, to find some sparkle or interest. Even when all I'd do is sit in the Adult Club and watch other people, cause I had no one of my own to do anything with, I'd at least turn it into writing practice, decribing the activities and finding new turns of phrase.

I don't have anyone to tease me out of my house. I can't shower (well) on my own, and would be achy enough from doing so that I wouldn't really want to drive. Not that I've driven in years, from said achyness, and not knowing if I'd have a pain flare from trying and be unable to grip the steering wheel, or move adequately to safely drive home. I can't pick up my toybag, which is now a toy storage container, cause the bag had holes in it and I don't have anyone to use it with anymore and don't need to have it available.

I don't want to be sitting here alone with nothing I want to do, but going anywhere else in the house isn't going to change it. And trying to write is just going to spiral down into a chuckhole of shit, like this is doing.

Done now.

Current Mood: dwarfish
Current Location: Home-Den
Current Music: one small fan, just to get some air circulation
Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/18538.html

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