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Fighting self denigration.
Feb. 5th, 2021 05:42 amSunday, I woke up about noon, puttered on my phone for a few hours, got on the desktop to play WoW for my Sunday Night Usual Game With (1 friend anymore, as the other person punted a few months ago. TBF my husband had pulled him in, because they'd been childhood besties (and best man at wedding) and hadn't been seen but twice since he moved out to ohio. But I miss having him around...) Guildies. And then played till about 9am. Tried to sleep (as I'd gotten offline feeling tired) but didn't fall asleep till after 1pm, at least. Slept through 4pm pills alarm, 6pm pills alarm. Woke at 7pm, panicked about the fact that it was Tuesday and I've been playing AD&D with my college friends for the past month or more on Tuesdays, frantically sent a SMS text to them, and then fell asleep before I got a reply. And woke up between 1 and 2 am, and wasn't able to get back to sleep.
Around 9am I ...
... stopped typing this, was back on my phone, and now i don't recall what I did.
Wednesday I spent sleeping and reading email, and worrying about the Social Security (phone) hearing on Thursday morning. To the point where I fell asleep around 4pm, woek up at 11, fell back asleep after eating something, woke up around 4am, and worried that if I went back to sleep I'd oversleep the hearing. So I stayed up. The hearing went ok. Most of it was the lawyer telling the judge all the ways that the SocSec had fucked up my claim (like, 3 different dates, all sorts of misfiling, seriously wtf) and the judge agreeing that yes, things had been fucked up. Since what I'm actually already approved for is under widow's benefits, I can't actually get any benefits that date to before Otter died. Which sucks, but is better in terms of back pay than what's there now. And, apparently, much earlier, SocSec had decided I was only capable of working 10 hours a week, and then denied the disability which is supposed to be based on whether I can work 40 hours a week. That's only *one* way the claim was upgefukt.
anyway, the judge asked some questions about what I can and can't do, at least some of which I think were designed to catch me in obvious lies, and then asked a court-appointed-jobs-expert about what he thought I could do given (various thigns she said, too fast for me to catch, really) and he basically said, "nope". So then it ended and I didn't get a followup call from the lawyer. And then I fell asleep again an hour or so later, and woke at 11, took midnight pills (I hadn't taken any meds all day again dammit) and fell back asleep till about an hour ago. I still feel like I need sleep, but it's 6amish now, Child the Younger is still awake (I can hear him talking again downstairs) and responded to my text request to a) plunge the toilet (which I'd tried earlier but didn't take on the next time I used the toilet), b) help change my arm sensor (yes, it senses if I have arms), and c) make me oatmeal. So now i have oatmeal and am sitting at my desktop, and maybe won't fall asleep.
I did do some entry into my dice spreadsheet while waiting for the lawyer to call, but not nearly enough. I should move things off my laptop and upgrade the os, in order to get a better copy of firefox, which is going into spinwaits for 5+ minutes at a time which is making me nuts. But that requires brains. Which I don't seem to have.
I think I'll listen to Simon Whistler talk about inane facts for a while.
Around 9am I ...
... stopped typing this, was back on my phone, and now i don't recall what I did.
Wednesday I spent sleeping and reading email, and worrying about the Social Security (phone) hearing on Thursday morning. To the point where I fell asleep around 4pm, woek up at 11, fell back asleep after eating something, woke up around 4am, and worried that if I went back to sleep I'd oversleep the hearing. So I stayed up. The hearing went ok. Most of it was the lawyer telling the judge all the ways that the SocSec had fucked up my claim (like, 3 different dates, all sorts of misfiling, seriously wtf) and the judge agreeing that yes, things had been fucked up. Since what I'm actually already approved for is under widow's benefits, I can't actually get any benefits that date to before Otter died. Which sucks, but is better in terms of back pay than what's there now. And, apparently, much earlier, SocSec had decided I was only capable of working 10 hours a week, and then denied the disability which is supposed to be based on whether I can work 40 hours a week. That's only *one* way the claim was upgefukt.
anyway, the judge asked some questions about what I can and can't do, at least some of which I think were designed to catch me in obvious lies, and then asked a court-appointed-jobs-expert about what he thought I could do given (various thigns she said, too fast for me to catch, really) and he basically said, "nope". So then it ended and I didn't get a followup call from the lawyer. And then I fell asleep again an hour or so later, and woke at 11, took midnight pills (I hadn't taken any meds all day again dammit) and fell back asleep till about an hour ago. I still feel like I need sleep, but it's 6amish now, Child the Younger is still awake (I can hear him talking again downstairs) and responded to my text request to a) plunge the toilet (which I'd tried earlier but didn't take on the next time I used the toilet), b) help change my arm sensor (yes, it senses if I have arms), and c) make me oatmeal. So now i have oatmeal and am sitting at my desktop, and maybe won't fall asleep.
I did do some entry into my dice spreadsheet while waiting for the lawyer to call, but not nearly enough. I should move things off my laptop and upgrade the os, in order to get a better copy of firefox, which is going into spinwaits for 5+ minutes at a time which is making me nuts. But that requires brains. Which I don't seem to have.
I think I'll listen to Simon Whistler talk about inane facts for a while.
