khatru | Entries tagged with venting

I played WoW for about 3 hours, and swap was already half full. So far it seems to be being cleared by logging out and back in, rather than needing to reboot. Which, while still losing my state, is slightly less annoying. And is a reason to include that rather than just have it be all me all the time.

I made an instagram acct because people who hand-make dice run contests there, and it's a thing. I didn't realize, at the time, that it's part of facebook. *meh* So I'm justified (in my own mind) in not putting it on my phone. At the same time, the only way I've found to post to it from a desktop is a 'manage your social media' aggregator, that requires your facebook account to work. I don't have a facebook account. (Well. I have one. I made it to make it easier to disseminate info about Otter, and I think I've logged into it since he died only to have somewhere to put pictures of things I found in the storage unit. I don't think I've logged into it since. That was... a year ago?) I don't *want* facebook having access to my mobile stuff, especially as (as far as I can find) there's no way to sandbox it, a la 'incognito mode' on browsers.

fml.

I opened up the clothing I bought a few weeks ago online. I don't remember buying skirts! THEY HAVE POCKETS OMG. Now, when my hips/knees are freaking the fuck out, I can wear something that ISN'T pants, but also isn't the (nice, soft, fuzzy, warm, zip-up, hooded) robe that's gotten ALMOST too long, since the fucking collapsed/herniated disks in my back have shortened me by circa 2 inches.

And then there's the hope that remembering that I can vent somewhere that I don't have to worry about people feeling they need to respond (even tho they might) (unlike an interactive ish place like discord/irc) will make day to day less distressed when it's distressy.

I just wish I could re-contact a couple of people who got lost a year or five ago...

Current Mood: blah
Current Location: Home-Den
Current Music: colorful fans whirring
Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/31081.html

The COBRA management company claims that Otter is listed as eligible for COBRA because he was terminated, not deceased. This is causing bloody hell with me trying to elect COBRA.

Furthermore, there will be a new COBRA management company as of next week. I had called them on Monday to ask if it made more sense for me to wait to elect COBRA until they are the company or if I should do it now and the person I spoke to seemed rather flustered and said I should definitely elect it before it got to them and let the system pull things over.

Current COBRA management company has '3-5 business days' for their resolution of issues.

*headdesk**headdesk**headdesk*

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/27109.html

ETA: I figured it out, I'm pretty sure. In the lutris window, in the config for the game i was clicking on (battle.net), I set it to 'keep resolution at' and set it to the resolution of the smaller screen, away from the default. I don't know why this was *turning off* the larger screen (since the setting for 'keep only this monitor on' I had set to 'do nothing') but when I turned that back to the default, it stopped turning things off and being weird.

I've got a really bonkers thing going on with my monitors and playing Blizzard games. I've got a long-ass write-up on the lutris forums, because Lutris is how I'm playing the games, and that's the only forum I got right now. Trying to get some - any - help at this point. Otter was the one who set things up, and I'm just getting frustrated.

https://forums.lutris.net/t/really-weird-problem-hopefully-related-here/1631

aka Barleduq on the wow-related-websites world.

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/26272.html

So far today:

Called life insurance person direct, left message with my name, Otter's name, claim number, my cellphone number, and the fact that I called a couple of weeks ago and haven't ever heard back.
Called Abby and made arrangements about the chocolate party
Called Specialty Pharmacy, returning their fucking annoying automated call. And, just like on the 9th (which they have records of me calling), I *again* had to give them permission to send the med, and apparently the $60 copay is *every month* until max out of pocket. Which I don't recall it being, but Otter handled it cause it was his insurance etc, and I just don't know for sure.
Called PSEG wrt lack of return envelope. Customer Service Rep has no clue why there was no envelope, as far as they know there's no program about asking to not get envelopes, and they made a note to make sure for my bill to have envelopes again. Would that everything were this easy.
Called Oil Company - overage mentioned on receipt received 20180119 is actually all paid up.
Called Verizon and fought my way through the voice menu to a person, where I talked about how the person who moved the account over from my deceased husband's name had said that I should call and ask to be put back on the 2 year plan to get the lower rates. I was told, this time, that my *discounts* were locked in till 2020, but that I would still be subject to any basic rate increases. They also said that, should that happen, I should call again to find out if I had the lowest prices available, which apparently I currently have.
I had also tried to create a myverizon account, first, to see if I could do it myself without poking the phone monster. It got all the way through the setup process till I got to the 'create account' button, and then failed to react at all. No spinny things, no visible aspect on the browser frame to indicate any sort of processing or transaction. It was like I wasn't clicking the button at all. I turned off my adblockers, and tried again, same effect. So that's when I called the phone menu system to beat it into submission. I mentioned this to the person I got on the line, and they connected me to what I think was called the 'e-troubleshooter'. Who walked me through it twice more, including clearing cache and cookies, to the same result. I actually have a trouble ticket in to the 'devs' to figure it out. I'm betting some combo of linux and firefox and blockers, but we'll see.
Called Water Company to ask about the charges that weren't on the previous bill. I'm wrong, it was on the older bill. Also, account wasn't name-changed, it was complete new account. Person on phone looked at Otter's bill history, and said that most often it was about $55 or less. So whee, I guess I budget 60 for months we go over.
Called life insurance basic help line. Oh, this was special. First, my Claims Consultant is not the person listed on the letter, it's someone else. I now have their first name and their extension. Second, they don't know how much the insurance is for. Apparently it depends on Otter's earnings, and his cause of death. Sometimes that REDUCES IT. FMH. Third, of COURSE they don't put the interest information on the brochure about the "security account" that I can put that money into, cause obviously it's going to change on a fucking whim. Now I'm *really* pissed off.
Sent email to Otter's HR person detailing the info in the phone call, and asking them to please clear up whatever issue they are having. Stupid fucking shit.
tbd

Call SocSec lawyer and see if she wants to meet (partner of no longer eligible lawyer)
call tax assessor office 9a-3p Barbara 9087692906

Call mike the lawyer about the north bergen house deed.
Find out if I called Meryll Lynch about angus gone, account come to me?
Decide day of month I need to pay bills. (2 days before end of month is not enough time)
Contact EZPass and find out how it was being paid and figure out if I need to do anything with it.

To Do Soon

Cannot do until make payment! Waiting on Life Insurance. Call Mortgage, ask for late fee to be removed.
Fill out forms for 401k
read in detail, evaluate, car/home insurance offer from AAA
Get onto Otter's computer and look for the file he left me.
Deposit checks received (2017-12-22: 1 to date.)
Clear out envelope of Bills Since Death and sort into records, bills, whatever.
Figure out what to do about cpap machines (company emailed back, saying donate or whatever) (in process)
Find out wtf to do about the argument with the insurance and the roof
DO NOT LOSE PRINTED FILLED OUT FORMS BEFORE DEATH CERT SHOWS UP!!!!!

Talk to R about:

Container specifically for estate stuff. - Catbag?
Container for my paper notes on phone calls.
Container for medical records current year, bills and other
Container for keeping records, current year (current back half of step sorter that R got from Staples)
Container for medical records specifically for past years.
Containers for keeping records for past years, to hold paid bills and record keeping.
Container for tax info papers bundled by year for past years.
Container for my frustration and sanity. (Research ongoing. Last marble was found in dice bag, perhaps something similar?)

I did nothing Saturday; woke up late, headache-adjacent. Had C put bengay on the aching parts, and a hotsock. (Similar to http://bedbuddy.net/ but not that brand.) After a few hours (after the bengay was soaked in and not a problem for adhesive) I had him put on a lidocaine patch. Neither of those helped significantly, but it's possible they kept it from being worse.

Woke up earlyish on Sunday, but instead of trying transdermal effects, took one of my hoarded Good Pain Meds. Got to the computer after a bit, poked around on WoW most of the day; ended up falling asleep ZONK in my chair at 6:45, while waiting for the folks who I play with to appear online at 7pm. *sigh* R woke me up for dinner at 7:40, I got on WoW, we played till 10:30 or so. Maybe later. I did wow things for a few hours more, and suddenly woke up, in my chair, covered iwth random pieces of clothing (apparently I was cold, but never woke up) at 7:45 am. Took meds, crawled into bed.

Woke up at 11:30 ish by C, checking if I wanted/needed anything. Asked for food, ate it, eventually decided that I didn't really want to do anything but I also didn't want to sit in my room alone. (which is what I did yesterday, never getting checked on till 4pm or so) Am downstairs.

Received email from life insurance! yay! No information on how much the payout is. An offer of having the money in an interest bearing account wiht the insurance company. No information on how much the interest is. I called the number for my consultant at 2pm, left a message. No response. The packet included a pamphlet about What Beneficiaries Need To Do After The Death Of A Loved One. The first chapter is "in the first two weeks". The second chapter is "weeks 3 and 4". the third chapter is "In hte next month." I'll note that Otter died on Dec 8, and the postmark on the envelope is January 10th. Fuck them.

Having agitated AGAIN for the kids to PLEASE look for the title of the car that was gotten in late November, more likely early December and thus on the day before Otter went into the hospital, I finally got some motion out of them. They found the envelope from the bank that held the car loan, with the old title (with the lien holder on it) and the various papers from the visit to DMV that acquired the new title and the handicapped placards for Otter. Unfortunately, the new title wasn't in it. Also, none of the receipts listed the date of the transaction. (wtf dmv?) So we STILL don't know, for sure, when it was done. *argh*

Aggravation, annoyance, and a chilly house. Wheee.

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/22495.html

I've had an on-going issue that, fortunately, only comes up occasionally. It really really bugs me when people want me to make a list of things that I want as gifts. It *upsets* me. I get sad, and angry, and "that's not how you do it!" This was almost always in context of christmas gifts, and only really experienced from my mother in law. I've heard all the reasons why it's a thing, that people want to make sure that what they get is desired, that they don't want to mis-step, that they don't want to waste money, etc etc. Partly I feel like it's wildly inappropriate to tell someone else what to spend money on, partly it's that I greatly enjoy not knowing, partly that knowing what it is makes it not feel like a gift, just someone doing me a favor. (Yes, I'm unpacking as I type.) Yes, as a kid I wrote letters to Santa, and yes, I realize that my parents likely used that info. But I also never actually got most of what I asked for, and that was likely because my parents couldn't afford much of anything. (I think I got underwear for christmas every single year of my childhood, I don't recall when it stopped.)

But today I was randomly reading Captain Awkward and, in a slightly sideways subthread, Private Jane said:

“Compared to the actual work of, say, deciding what to buy and remembering all the special needs of others, just footing the bill is very easy”

Thank you so much for putting this in words. I have always been wondering why it used to hurt me so much when my mom asked me “What do you want for your birthday?” and then tell me to “go get it and I’ll repay you”. Your words helped me understand that it was a bait and switch – pretending to offer care and then delivering money.

“I never lacked for anything material” should be set up in the Hall of Really Sad Things to Say right next to “He never hit me”.

The stuff in between what Private Jane was quoting - her own experience - suddenly hit me in the head. I had a voice in my head go, 'don't you like me enough to find something? To put out the effort?'

I had a similar thing happen, I think, with one long-term boyfriend. He gave me a candle as a present one year, and when I was delighted, he said, "oh good, now I can " I can't recall the next phrase, but it was something along the lines of 'stop worrying about it' or 'stop thinking about it.' I said, "does this mean I'm going to get a candle every time, now? Because now that you know something I like, you don't have to apply any thought to the process anymore?" and he agreed. Like this was a good thing. My problem wasn't with him having figured out something I liked, but with him not being willing to put any more thought into it. Like, just grab any candle and she'll be ok with it, no thought applied, "Candle".

Stopping now so I can calm down.

Crossposts: https://khatru.livejournal.com/22226.html

Actually, at least partially anecdote.

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/

I'm lucky, in that Otter doesn't do the "see, I did this and it took X time" as the writer says her husband does. But part of the reason that the house is a disaster is that he doesn't see it. He doesn't notice mess that isn't laundry or dishes.

Which is not to say that I do housecleaning; it's my bane, and one of my secret guilts is that I am *so glad* that my chronic pain issues make it so that I really *can't* do things. "But don't you feel so satisfied that it's done?" Yes, and it completely evaporates and turns to aggravation and hate when I have to do it again and again and again and again. And again. And. Again. This is why, when we got married, we asked the Best Friend who worked in an appliance store for a dish washer. I was FAR LESS STABBY when we got it.

Ok. Stopping venting now. It's old tales, and that's it.